New Product End Times

Even I, the man who buys everything New!, was left excitedly speechless:

Some days your new product discovery is so boring (I'm looking at you, Town House Toppers "The Cracker Built for Topping!") that it makes your question your purpose. Then, one day, you wake up, go the store, and score a mind-blowing double-new-deuce like this and the skies open up and the warm glow of the food-scientist god shines upon your skin and bathes you in its brainy brilliance ("we can put a bakery fresh bun in the package!"), and everything, really everything, makes sense again.

But seriously how awesome is that Jimmy Dean logo? The boot is the J!


Pretty sure the Pancakes & Sausage things have been around awhile. The "NEW!" thing must be the addition of chocolate chips (because a hunk of mystery meat surrounded by an imitation maple syrup soaked pancake like substance just isn't bad enough for you on its own).
Blogger Twist 7/03/2006 1:39 PM  
Nuts and gum, together at last!
Blogger Chris Biagini 7/03/2006 1:58 PM  
pancake and sausage I'm just about getting to grips with...

but chocolate chips with your moulded pig bits? eeeuuuwwww!!! ew ew ew!
Anonymous Nick Harris 7/03/2006 2:19 PM  
Just a random note to say I love your blog. Good stuff.
Anonymous Chris Wible 7/03/2006 2:58 PM  
Ohhhh Cabel. Did you purchase these products? With the intention of eating them? Oh dear.
Anonymous lucie 7/03/2006 3:44 PM  
The Pancake on a Stick has been around for a while. I know, because I love them. Them's good eating! Got a box in my fridge right now. Don't like the chocolate chip variety as much.

I may get some of those dogs in buns just for completeness' sake.
Blogger Scott 7/03/2006 4:06 PM  
I've never had one of those sausage wrapped in pancake things but dear god do they look nasty. And any microwaved hot dog tastes, well, weird. So I'll pass on both.

p.s. That logo really is pretty sweet. Don't you wish you were that creative? I know I do.
Anonymous Mike 7/03/2006 6:53 PM  
I have TWO boxes of the normal Sausage and Pancake things in my fridge right now ;)
Anonymous Clint Ecker 7/03/2006 7:13 PM  
Something about a hotdog already in a bun scares me.
Anonymous Anthony 7/03/2006 9:17 PM  
I had enough trouble coming to grips with pouring maple syrup on breakfast meats and baked beans. But wrapping a sausage in a pancake just goes too far.
Anonymous Chris Clark 7/03/2006 9:24 PM  
Blogger King of the japs 7/04/2006 12:36 AM  
American food is scary. Please don't die!
Anonymous db 7/04/2006 1:26 AM  
Jeez, that sausage/pancake thingy is not only too odd to even TRY, no, it looks like a goddamn heartattack-in-a-box.

By the way, where are the japan vids/pics ?!!!
Anonymous el_vicio 7/04/2006 8:14 AM  
Hi, Cabel. Long time reader (pre-DS-Lite-review... so that's gotta count for something, right?) I was first introduced to your blog via looking up info on "The Aristocrats." And then I was introduced to the Japanese Brain Age by your article and have been hooked ever-since. Oddly enough, though, until now I had thought "Cabel" was some sort of a handle or something. But, looking at your "about" at the top of the page, you list that as your name. Is this your real name (assuming you trust me not to be some sort of a stalker)? If so, I must say kudos to your parents for a keen proficiency in child-bearing nomenclature.
Anonymous zebov 7/04/2006 8:18 AM  
Hotdogs in the bun, psfft NEVER!
Anonymous Anonymous 7/04/2006 9:45 AM  
Mmmmmmm... I love the pre-packaged hot dogs in a bun. What could be more inviting than that ?? Come on, people. I guess the degree of amazingness also depends on wether that box needs to even be refrigerated or not. Does it ? If it doesn't, that's just that much more excellent.
Anonymous Anonymous 7/05/2006 4:20 AM  
Fast Franks do need to be refrigerated. I bought some yesterday in honor of the 4th. However, you can take the indivdual protein modules/franks out of the box and stack them anyway you want in your fridge. I tried one, and it was indeed fast, if uninspiring as food.

This invention would have no chance to catch on if it weren't for the whole 6 hotdogs/8 rolls insanity the food industry insists on perpetuating.
Blogger Scott 7/05/2006 9:58 AM  
I note that Ball Park hot dogs have reached the holy grail of congruence, wherein they do, in fact, package 8 hotdogs together.
Anonymous Jim 7/05/2006 2:44 PM  
^^^ for the same price as 10.
Anonymous Anonymous 7/05/2006 7:09 PM  
This past weekend, radio station Live 105 out of SF had an event that screamed class and also Panic: Top 500 Snacks & Tracks.

This was an ordered list of 500 foodstuffs and songs, presented throughout the weekend. A sampling:


The presentation was great too. "Number i, Original M&Ms! <2 second pause>. Number i-1, the Ramones! %lt;music plays>"

The only disappointing aspects were that (1) the order was arbitrary, and (2) the snacks were too tame. Spice it up, yo!

Regarding (1), I originally thought I wanted to hear them debate the merits of Radiohead vis-a-vis Wheat Thins, but it's possible that that isn't sustainable for 500 snacks (and tracks).

I love San Francisco.
Anonymous ken 7/05/2006 11:10 PM  
Man, I just ate one of those hot dogs, and I have to say that they are delicious. They taste awesome!
Anonymous Anonymous 7/08/2006 12:22 PM  
I'm gonna try to convince myself I never saw that. Of course, tagging it in is probably not the best way to go about forgetting something.
Anonymous Lisa 7/10/2006 10:26 AM  
Hot Dog in buns is really nonsense, because it probably cost about $3 bucks more than just regular hot dogs, which you could then go around the corner and buy "Best Value" buns :P

Although, the Pancake and Sausage thing is very good.
Blogger DanTheMan 7/10/2006 4:47 PM  
Okay, I can see having the hot dogs at the office. It gives the impression of a weekend BBQ in the confines of the breakroom. But the Jimmy Dean things? I love pigs in blankets, but I can't see throwing chocolate into the mix.
Anonymous Jared 7/11/2006 9:10 AM  
Both of those foods look revolting in my opinion. I'll stick with freshly preparing the entire thing, that way I know exactly what has been put in it and how it was made.
Anonymous Tom 7/11/2006 12:10 PM  
I can kind of understand the hot dogs, but I had to stare at the pancake sausage thing with choc chips for a while to believe it.

Nevertheless, I look forward to visiting the 'store' at in SF this August!
Blogger Mathieu 7/12/2006 4:32 PM  
I once (age 19) worked filling orders for a candy distributor. I thought I'd seen all the wonders of "food" product development genius. This truely takes the pancake! Unbeleivable... don't they have awards for these people? The Foodies or something?
Anonymous Anonymous 7/12/2006 10:38 PM  
Cabel -

I don't know if I dare point this out to you, but The Junk Food Blog seems like it might be in a similar(ly clogged) vein.

Anonymous Anonymous 7/13/2006 1:25 PM  
I actually buy those Jimmy Dean Pancakes and Sausages! I never had the chocolate chip though. They taste pretty good, but I always get the feeling that I'm going sterile or something when I eat them... hmm... By the way, I really love your blog. Keep it up! I'm picking up my Nintendo DS Lite today because of your recommendation! Or was it the subliminal Fruit Loops...
Blogger scrappapervlog 7/19/2006 11:13 AM  
Oscar Meyer has been selling single-serving-size microwavable-packaged hot dogs in a bun for more than 10 years now. I first encountered them in a New Jersey office's refrigerated vending machine in 1993 and they were there for years afterwards (may still be for all I know); 4-5 years later I saw them show up in a Maryland office's refrigerated vending machine.

When you're still at work at 2 am, they're great. It looks like the box you found is just a set of 3 of the individually-sold packages I started eating so many years ago.
Anonymous Anonymous 7/21/2006 1:35 PM  
wiener! rofl rofl love that name
Anonymous Anonymous 7/27/2006 7:40 AM  
I love that the breakfast sausage is ON A STICK! I've spent too much time at Ye Olde Renaissance-e Faires with hawkers because I get this mental soundtrack of 'The queens finest breakfast sausage on a stick wrapped in lightest cake with chocolate from the new world'. I just can't decide if it would be sold to me by a hungover man, or a woman threatening to pop out of her clothing.
Anonymous Anonymous 7/29/2006 11:24 AM  
yuk im not a big fan of packeged stuff it all mushey i mite tri this it looks good but thanks cabul you inspired me to start bloging thanks
Blogger skybl 8/18/2006 1:09 PM  
Cabel! please help me! i just watched your 3rd part of the DS Lite review, so i thought you would be a good person to ask, should i get a DS Lite? i am tired with my PSP games, there is only one coming out that i want, and the DS Lite and games are very affordable, i'm wondering will the DS Lite live up to the expectations i have with my PSP? (gaming, i don't care for the other stuff..) Thank you!
Anonymous Anonymous 9/12/2006 12:35 PM  
If this is civilization.... enjoy your "meal" !
Anonymous Anonymous 10/10/2006 5:18 AM  
God Bless America is all I can say. Never mind having wars with Arabs, try challenging them to a Bad Food contest!

They'll be all "Hey dude, we eat sheeps eyes!"

And the American team can produce choc chip sausages.

On sticks.

"Hey! We feed these to our own kids in peacetime! Imagine what we'll feed yours in a war!"

Now I'm Scottish. We'll eat some truly BAD things. We invented the deep fried Mars Bar.

But we'd have to admit defeat in the face of the choc chip sausage.
Anonymous Alan Knight 5/23/2007 6:59 PM  

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Name:Cabel Maxfield Sasser
Job:Co-Founder, Panic Inc.
Location:Portland, OR